Bio Moment – To nurture or not to nurture? That is the question.

If you read my first post of 2018 you know that my one and only resolution this year is to nurture myself and others.

It’s a month in…

So, how’m I doin’?

*sigh*

In some ways, I’m doing very well.

  • I’m calling my dad every single day just to say hello and let him know he’s in my thoughts. As you may remember, he had a fall about six weeks ago and is in a rehab hospital. It is sooooooooooo slow-going. For him and for all of us who love him.
  • I’m also checking in with Mom a couple of times a week because she could (easily) be pushed aside in the worry and bustle with dad’s recovery. She’s not a youngster anymore, either, and has health concerns of her own. Even though she seems very strong, she must be scared shitless. It’s not every day your partner of 50+ years has life-saving (and possibly life-ending) falls and surgeries. Plus, she’s the natural advocate for his care. It’s a lot on her shoulders.
  • I was able to save enough money from my part-time job to buy a ticket to visit my parents in February. I haven’t seen them in person for five years!
  • I’m giving my adult children space. This is a big deal since I’m a bit of a… um… what do they call me?… oh yes, a smotherer. They love me, don’t get me wrong. But my penchant for worry has been a bit… well, it’s already been said… smothering.
  • I went out and bought myself new cosmetics. This may seem like no biggie to most women. For me, I have a love/hate relationship with all-things make-up. And by “love/hate” I mean, I put it on or I don’t. Often, don’t. Love me as I am has been my motto. However, I have noticed that not only do I look fresher, younger and more alive when I do take the time to put it on, I FEEL better about how I’m facing the world. Win/win!
  • I’ve read two new fiction books in their entirety this month! I’m hoping to get to a book a week. I also listened to a biography in my car, to and from work. I love to read but haven’t always taken the time to do it.

Among the more difficult things I’m learning to do…

  • I’m giving my husband the space and room he needs to deal with an ongoing difficulty that I almost-always butt my… uh… butt into. It is something that (truly) only he can handle. If he asks for my opinion, I’ll give it. Otherwise, it’s his to deal with.
  • I’m using my lovely lotions and potions about 50% of the time… not 100% as I’d like… but also not 0% as I was.
  • My daughter sent me some eye cream to try for my birthday and I’m using that at the same time, too.
  • I’m using our lovely “sitting room” for no darned good reason. I turned the second bedroom into a sitting room with a big, comfy chair, music, journals and pretty things. I turn on the salt lamp and light my pine-scented candles. I look at all the neat things in that room, including the “never-ending” glass rope my husband bought on one of my recent birthdays. It’s the photo I’m featuring today. It represents our love, of course… but also what I wish for the world. What can I say? I’m a dreamer.

And yes, there’s one place where I’m failing miserably.

  • All-things food. I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about this. My husband and two of my closest friends are doing really well. I’m happy for them but… I hate to admit it… am envious. I want them to have it… but I want to have it, too. I know I said the struggle is real (and it is!) but dammit, I’m discouraged. It’s cold, it’s dark, and it’s the time of year I want most to comfort myself with food. Just don’t do it doesn’t work for me. To say I need a plan is an understatement. I need a muzzle.

I hate to say I’m failing because it’s a word fraught with meaning for a perfectionist like me (especially at work). At home, not so much, as evidenced by the dusting and vacuuming that needs to be done at this moment. But the point is, I have failed. I’ve looked at the reasons for it from every conceivable side. It comes down to this.

I’m resentful about the fact that I can’t just eat. Also, I want to have control. Don’t you dare tell me what to do (or eat – or not!)

I need to get the eff over myself.

And celebrate my successes!

3 comments

  1. Just keep this in mind, baby doll. None of us are allowed to be perfect and still be here to reach out to the rest of us from a position of almost-not-being-here to show them how to go — soon’s we get perfect, we’re outside here. And even though, as a channeler, that wouldn’t relieve you of my annoying snotty advisory comments, I would still very much miss you among the smiling WP elite on my companionary shortlist. And yes, that’s a word. Just ’cause I said so. Big ol’ tight hug to you. The bigger the better, baby 😆

    Liked by 1 person

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