I’ve been meditating!
Remember how I told you I
loathe no dispise that’s not right hate well, crud… the point is, I just couldn’t seem to DO it. I liked the idea of it. I mean, who wouldn’t?
I am using the Calm app on my phone. I can time it and choose to listen to what I please, which happens to be water lapping along the shore. Not an ocean, as I’d originally thought… and tried… and there’s a reason for this, which I’d like to tell you about.
To me, the ocean represents California. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with that… except… thinking about California brings up bittersweet “feels”… thoughts of my daughter, her husband and my grandson, who I miss like crazy. There’s my sister and family and some friends of mine who are still there. There are my other kids and my parents, who no longer live there but always did when I lived there. And of course, there are those who were alive when I moved to Canada but have left us since … my grandmother, ex-husband and some of his family, my friend Deb… along with a whole whack of other memories that smell like coconut oil and feel like sand in my bathing suit bottoms. Little snippets of time best left for quiet, thoughful times or packed away in boxes under the bed.
So, I figured out… no ocean sounds for mediating. Too much everything flying through my head for that.
And then something interesting happened… and I wrote a very short post about on Facebook, which I’ll share (and then elaborate on – you knew I would) after:
I have passed this boathouse a hundred times. I’ve always wanted a photo but there was a problem: it can only be seen from the slow lane on the highway – which is like a freeway in the States. There is a wide shoulder and I’ve thought of stopping but.. fast cars vs. not-fast me. Today, I did it. This is the result. PS: For those of you interested… yeah, it was frightening. But worth it! ⚓️
I’ve tried to take a photo from anywhere but this… and there’s just no view except from this very specific section of the highway. I’ve always loved it, all alone out there…
So, I chose the sound of lapping water for my meditation. In my mind, I am sitting on the dock, next to this boat house, overlooking the lake. I can imagine the highway… over there… far enough not to be bothered by the sound of traffic except for an occasional “whoosh, whoosh” sound of cars speeding by… and the bridge, way out and over to the left that hardly anyone crosses… I went that way once, trying to get that illusive photo… it is quite far out there… and around the inlet… and seriously, almost deserted.
Across the way, there is a scene not unlike this one, except no boathouse… no other boathouses as far as the eye can see. This is my special place. And the owner’s too, who I assume bought it so I could admire it.
Strange. They’re never out there. If I owned this house, with it’s pretty boathouse and dock, I’d be out there ALL THE TIME. I’d have two huge Adirondack chairs painted a bright, shining red… and I’d bring coffee in the early mornings or evenings or something cool in the afternoon. I’d lean back in the sunshine, eyes closed, listening to the distant traffic and the birds.
And that is *exactly* where I picture myself when I meditate.
I’ve gone from two minutes, to five… ten once, but found it’s still a little too long to keep focused. But I hope to get there, soon!
One final note: In yesterday’s post, I sounded a little ominous. I know this because my dear mother called to
frantically gently ask what’s going on – a little worried, she was! I apologized to her… and now to all of you who might have thought I was awaiting a dire medical result or something along those lines.
In fact, I am waiting for certain things to fall in line so that I may move forward.
It’s a lot like my neighborhood right now. Because it snows so much where I live, the summer months are 100% construction-focused. Every road, every rooftop, every ballgame… every, everything is happening at the same time. Because of this, we literally have trouble getting out of our neighborhood to go to work. For real!
The street getting to the usual on-ramp is closed, as is the on-ramp itself. Another street is being used for construction materials. It’s the street the ball players usually park on, and can’t, so they’re parking on our street, blocking the view, which includes a bulldozer passing by every fifteen minutes or so, so we can’t even get out of our driveway.
So see, that’s how my hopes & plans feel to me right now. I have several things on the go and one of them is in the que … just waiting for the bulldozer to pass … figuratively speaking. Ugh. I just didn’t want to have to spell it all out. It would be terribly boring for you. Just trust me. I’m okay. Just waiting on some stuff. It’s all gonna be okay. In time.