Whenever I have a dream that’s recurring, I know to pay attention.
I love figuring out my dreams and have been writing about them for years. I used to have recurring dreams of my grandmother’s house… but those seem to have stopped, at least for now. Now, I’m having recurring dreams of being lost… often in large parking lots, campus libraries or (oddly) underground shopping malls (or in this case, all three. Yikes!).
Often, there are people with me, but I don’t know them. I mean, I do… in the dream… but in real life, no.
I walk with purpose, trying to get home, but never do. I’m scared and confused. Sometimes, I’m running (Ha! now that’s a nightmare! Kidding!) along lonely, empty streets. Some, I recognize in real life. Some, not.
Last night, I was on a campus again, with green rolling hills, aged trees that offer shade and concrete walkways. I often think, after having this kind of dream, of Wells Fargo Bank in Rosemead, California, where I worked in the 1980s. It was a beautiful property with two 3-story buildings, filled with employees, and an equally large parking structure. I worked in Collections. Funny, thinking back, on how the fancy-smancy reps worked on Lotus 123, which is like Excel. They made $1 more an hour then Collection Clerks because they knew that whoop-de-do program, which was where the bounced checks were listed. Crazy, huh? Ahem, anyway. Back to the dream.
I was meeting someone… a young man in his 30s or 40s. I’m not great guessing ages but younger than I. I’d never met him before… it was set up.
I was dressed up… like… in a freaking DRESS, which, yeah, never. I mean, I used to wear dresses all the time. Now, it’s 99% pants, which mathematically makes no sense, since there are two legs. <<< Which also makes no sense. You know me + the maths = Dur dur dur.
This man was expecting… ahem… favors… of a sexual nature. At my age? I mean, c’mon! Seriously? And I was scared and horrified because he was insisting, grabbing at me, expectant, hungry… and then, angry.
I ran into the building, which was a library above ground and a small shopping mall below ground. I found some people I knew. They helped me find different clothes and a hat, so he wouldn’t recognize me.
Weird thing: I was wearing this necklace and it was important to me, so I didn’t want to take it off but knew if I didn’t, he’d see it and recognize me. The chain was gold, the necklace long and there was a rectangle of gold (about 1″ wide x 3″ deep) that hung almost to my waist. There is no significance to it now… but there was in the dream. I removed it and gave it to one of my acquaintances.
Then we walked through the mall and I was looking all around me, even walking backwards at times. The walls were glass and I could see the parking lot and structure, the grassy hills. My car was out there, beyond, I knew.
Suddenly it occurred to me that one of my acquaintances must have told this guy that I was hot to trot. Why else would he have expected sexual favors? I had to get away from them now, too. I went back to the library alone. I trusted nobody and was too afraid to go to my car because I remembered that creepy guy had no car. He expected me to drive. He’d be waiting, possibly by my car.
And then, I awoke.
The last few weeks have been difficult. I won’t go into it here… if you’ve been reading along, you know. Depression, anxiety, health, pain, blah, blah, blah. I’m sick of it. <<< Talking like that makes it so. Add in shame. Ugh.
My mom will write me an email and tell me her thoughts – God, it’s great having a mother who’s into this kind of stuff… and I will work on it, too (because dreams really are MOST about the person having them) but thought I’d share.
So far, I figure I need to work on:
- Feelings surrounding Independence and being lost
- Feeling forced to do something I don’t want to do (shall I list all the ways?)
- Figuring out what I am supposed to be learning (why else would I dream of campuses and libraries?)
- What does the gold necklace mean?
Man, dreams are fascinatin’, aren’t they? If you have any thoughts, please share.