Christmas Day, 2018 – My “Vision Board” for 2019

First, Happy Christmas or whatever you’re celebrating this time of year.  ☃❅❤

I know it isn’t easy this time of year… not for a lot of us. Me, included.

I am far away from my family, the days are short and dark, and it’s cold. There is beauty, to be sure (as if on cue, it began snowing lightly this morning!) but for someone like me (and you?) our old “friends” depression and anxiety often drop by for a visit and refuse to leave, despite doing everything right. Or at least, taking our meds.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: I hate this time of year. I know that “hate” is a strong word, but there you have it.

Did I always hate it? No. Back when my family was young, with children, cats and dogs…  and trees and lights and presents… the excitement of going to my grandmother’s for fudge and persimmon cookies… Mom’s Chili Rellenos Casserole (Good God!)… everyone laughing in the kitchen, champagne at the adult table… my grandmother with the kids at their table (which they tell me shaped their lives in ways we never realized at the time – they adored her for it!). Wonderful memories.

My husband and I have quiet Christmas’s with our cats now. Actually, it’s pretty-much been this way since we got married. All our children are grown and none come our way. No blame or judgement there… but I will use this small soapbox to remind you that divorce does its dirtiest work to the children. If you ever doubt it… just don’t. (Off soapbox)

That said, this year, I decided to do something utterly and completely different! I am in planning mode… for 2019. Turning 60 has done something to my brain, I tell ya!

So, I have taken the lights from my embarrassing Christmas party and created a vision WALL with them.

See, they’re little lights with clips attached to hold photos or what-not. My “what-not” this year is Thank You notes. Yes, you’re reading/ seeing it correctly: I am thanking God (as we understand Him/Her/ Them/ It) for what I need IN ADVANCE of receiving it. And kids, I’m being SPECIFIC.

Being honest, I’ve had … let’s call them… issues… with my last few vision boards. To begin with, what they were and what they’re supposed to be did not jive. As much as I’d *like* to believe that I can manifest what I want (or get answer to prayer – whatever you want to call it)… I did not believe it. I *hoped* it would work. It did not. I looked at the thing on the wall, sure… but … yeah… not happening.

I talked about my last board (with a photo of the wall in question) earlier this year. I liked it okay… and even though it was more focused on me than the earlier boards had been (I mean, I had a statement in the middle that said “It all begins with ME, me, me”) it didn’t really do the trick. Though this blog kinda screams to the contrary, I really have a hard time focussing on what *I* want for myself.

For one thing, I was way too general: “I will get healthier” is not the same as saying, “I will lower my blood pressure” or “I will become a person who mediates easily”… know what I mean?

So, to begin… I went shopping…

Up until now, my boards have actually been boards. More like collages. Tons of stuff, overlapping, pretty, crazy and fun. Last year, if you follow the link to my last board above, you’ll see that I surrounded it with cut-outs and photos, like funky wallpaper. Kind of. I got the art from all sorts of places, mostly magazines I bought, or were given to me, or that I found in waiting rooms. I enjoyed looking at the wall but the Vision Board itself was lost in the chaos. I’d often sit in my chair and think, “Gosh, I love that photo of the mermaid or Goldie Hawn over there,” but didn’t even notice the others. It was simply too overwhelming.

This time, no board… just a clean wall and very specific wants and needs. Below it, a table with some favorite things… my lava lamp, some special books, a table fountain… I hope to sit there, pray and meditate about what’s important. It’s certainly inviting! I do need a big pillow. That’s next!!

So, I’ll tell you how it goes! I’m expecting great things from 2019. I’ll be sharing a little more as the days pass… this is Prep Time for me… and I have a really good feeling.

I’ll be back to my self-help books in early January. Right now, I’m reading fiction my mom picked up for me (oh my Lord, excellent!) and enjoying some time off. I hope you’re doing the same!