I created the featured photo ten years ago… and I know why I did it (I was asked by my therapist to draw it) but I don’t know why (why did this even come up in our session?)
You may have heard about this before and if so, feel free to amble on by, nothing to see here. If not, or you just want a refresher, sit a spell. (What is this? The Andy Griffith Show? Remember, it’s “Easy like Sunday” so I don’t give links. If you don’t know who he is, you’ve missed out on some good home cookin’… and television. But I digress.)
The original Wall of Shit was the brainchild of a mastermind I will call Father Liz. She was (maybe still is) an Episcopal Priest. She was one of my favorite people on the planet. I’ve tried to find her again throughout the years, to no avail. I last saw her in May, 2001, and introduced my husband to her. I knew she’d be interested to meet the man who was able to woo me across the country (and up!). She was, after all, my confidant and therapist during the end of my first marriage.
She was my minister (my daughter and I joined the church together after our very bad experience in the Baptist church) and I saw her for several weeks alone before she asked to see my (then) husband, too. He was of particular interest to her, carting his big, leather Bible to our therapy sessions. He felt a little threatened by a woman in a position of power, especially in the church. He also disliked that she smoked cigarettes, even though he also smoked cigarettes. He expected better of her. To me, it made her human. Even this shining light in my life struggled, as we all do.
Because our marriage wasn’t meant to be saved (and I truly believe this now) she wasn’t able to help us. But she was able to help me.
Liz likened my life to a wall of shit and she said that one-by-one, we would tear that sucker down. And we did. And yes, she used this exact language. She was an above-average priest and woman, I tell ya!
Ten years or so later, I drew this picture. As I say, I don’t know why… but I still like the concept and the drawing. I remember drawing the wall first and then erasing the part in the middle – which felt so good, as I was getting rid of some especially heinous words – and adding the central light, flowers and words in the beams of light.
Why do I bring this up today? Because. I don’t know. Maybe you have a wall of shit you’ve been meaning to tear down? Or needed a nudge to remember someone who mattered to you that you haven’t spoken to in a while?
Or maybe it’s just a reminder to myself to see where I was… and where I’ve gotten to.
I have some very important things coming up soon. I haven’t shared about them because I want a more solid footing before I do… but mark my words… they’re spectacular! It seems about time, as it’s been five years since 2014, the year my world crashed. Five years of healing and reaching forward and maybe, kicking out those last few bricks in my wall. I’m ready – finally – to fully enter this life I’ve been sliding through the last few years.
Let me know if any of this resonates with you. I’d love to hear from you!