“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Unknown smart person
I love the music in the commercial I’m sharing below. Just wanted to say that up front. I tried to find it unattached to this advertisement, but couldn’t. So, you’re stuck with Jeep.
It speaks to my life lately.
For the first time in quite a while, I was actually feeling super excited about the direction my life seemed to be heading. In truth (and hindsight), I was… naive (silly?) enough to believe the universe (and maybe even Jesus) would give me a little boost, you know, if I couldn’t make things happen on my own. Yes, I know, I know… life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans… or something like that.
And here we are. Do you realize the clocks spring forward this coming weekend? It hardly seems possible, what with my body being perpetually chilled to the bone. See, the heater at work was installed without the boss being told it would fail to work when the temps went… uh… below freezing… which has been every. single. day during most of February and into March. We joke and laugh about Bob Cratchet and warming our hands by a candle’s flame but, honestly, not funny. By the time I left today, my head was pounding in time with my chattering teeth. One side of my face was burning and that side of my hair was stuck to my head by pure static electricity because I am sitting next to a space heater. The other side of me was like an ice-cube with fluffy hair. Go ahead and picture that.
Back to the point, here we are, already heading into the second week of March, for crying out loud!
You may have noticed (or felt) my mood shift over the several weeks. There have been ups and downs of course, just like so many of us feel, especially at this time of year. Dark days, early nights, the holidays… ugh, ugh and triple ugh. And yes, I do get righteously depressed, anxious, dizzy and panic-y around this time of year. My moods seem to ebb and flow onto the sands of life… oh wow, that was poetic!
BUT! Two weeks ago, I felt a shift. That weekend, I actually dug through everything in the room under the stairs – which was piled high – and cleaned it right down to the concrete floor. Then I got rid of more than half of the stuff (garbage or thrift shop) and placed the rest of it (precious little) in two boxes with blue lids, which I stacked. That’s a photo of the room up there ^^^^^. Did I do good, or what?
Then, last week, I had a fantabulous business meeting! I felt really good afterwards. I also finished the bare bones of the outline for my upcoming book. Granted, I changed my mind about the trajectory and have to do it all again but the point is, I did it! It was like… I was on a train going exactly where I wanted… and it almost seemed to be going too fast. I’m sure that should have been a red flag. It wasn’t. I was just feeling too damned good for things not to go my way!
Since I believe that nothing happens by chance, I just knew I had to keep the momentum going. Go forward, lady… put yourself out there… let’s do this thing.
*thunk* <<< Yeah, that’s me, falling on my ass. That’s what I get for rushing in. Fools and all that.
So, it seems I have to recalculate. Again.
You know, as I’ve been sitting here writing this, I have to smile. Life really is just like this, isn’t it? If you can’t adapt to change, it’s over. I know this! I guess, I just hoped that by this time in my life, it would be a little easier, that’s all. When I expect anything different, I’m just setting myself up for disappointment, aren’t I? <<<< This is me, talking myself through it. There are worse ways to spend my time. 🙂
And so I go onward and hang onto some semblance of hope.
And I’m listening to Annie Lennox sing A Whiter Shade of Pale… she’s doing cartwheels ‘cross the floor… and so am I.