“Almost everyone who feels stymied, aimless, directionless is carrying an unresolved emotional wound. A lack of enthusiasm for life is always a sign that the deep self is hurt. Every person’s essential self is pure, productive energy, and yours will return and send you into a fulfilling life almost automatically if your psyche is in good repair.” –
I met Joanna online. You might have realized by now that I’ve met many important people online, including my husband. This would be a true assessment.
Looking back to when I moved to Canada, I was running but it was specifically from two people, one being my late ex-husband. But at the time, in the early 2000s, it seemed I’d simply found myself in a foreign country (as much as Canada can be considered “foreign”) and foreign life. And I was alone.
My decision pushed some people away, others closer and among those “others” was someone who hated my guts and wished me dead. And that person was here, not there. I was stepping into the viper’s pit… and I’d done it willingly. Though in fairness to myself, I wasn’t exactly in my “right” mind.
The collateral damage was extensive, as we’ve discussed before… and it isn’t really the point… except to say that I had to rebuild from scratch from what I found among the rubble.
And then I found The Village. It was online and filled with people I knew well from other sites. Thank God, thank God, thank God! This is where I found Joanna.
Now, I could write about a solid half-dozen friends I made at the time (20 years ago) who are still very present in my heart and in my life. I’ve met some in person, talked to others on the phone, and written cards and letters to others.
Joanna is one of two who ALWAYS held my heart in her hands – and my feet to the fire – yes, at the same time and yes, with love and compassion. You wonder how that can be done? Oh, how I wish you could have seen our village. It can be done. It was done every single day that the community existed. But I digress.
After years of holding space for me as I lamented about my life, Joanna bought me a copy of Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck. It is a truly life-changing book. It’s filled to the brim with exercises and excellent info. No small task to get through it, either. It is 350 pages of gold.
For me, the entire concept began an interest that has turned into a passion: The “compass“. This notion that we have our own North Star… I just love it!
I’ll tell you what this book did for me when I first read it: It gave me hope. This quote kind of sums up how I felt at the time:
“Albert Camus wrote, “In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” –
Somewhere inside, I had to come to terms with the truth of my situation. I had chosen the path. Right or wrong, tender or painful, loving or hurtful (to myself and others) the path had been chosen. I could wallow in my pain or move forward… and forward is always north to me. Also, not to put too fine a point on it, I had literally moved north.
I recommend this book to anyone searching for their own north star. Also, friends like Joanna are priceless… ❤