I want to…
I really do…
But instead, I will say unimportant things because it takes less effort and I find I am so very tired these days.
Does it make things easier to know that we’re all going through this kind of stuff? Well, yes and no.
Yes, because I don’t feel so alone with the pain and the voices in my head, which aren’t really voices at all, just me worrying or trying not to worry and going numb. Emotionally, I mean.￼
No, because this is not new to me it’s just so much worse than usual.
I’m doing everything I can to feel better and it’s not nearly enough.
Looks like I decided to talk a little anyway. How very much like me. *sigh*￼￼
I should eat well and instead I stop eating completely or eat the wrong things.
I should drink more water and I either don’t drink any￼￼ at all or buy a pricey water bottle with crystals in the bottom to make me feel better and remind me to drink.￼ (And then I don’t.)
Beneath it all, I feel guilt and shame for believing that I’m important enough to discuss this… as if I’m the only one going through it.￼￼
Every night after dinner I’m supposed to take my pills which include my antidepressant… And I forget. Every night my husband says to me, “don’t forget to take your pills” and I say I won’t forget.
Then, I do.
Was it by accident or on purpose? Does it matter?
But in fact, I literally forget.
As I am a person who believes that everything happens for a reason I must confess I have a block about taking those pills. I don’t want to. I don’t want to be depressed or anxious or dependent on drugs.
Here I am again. Depressed. Just like a whole whack of people on earth right now.
On the plus side, my husband is still working. ￼I’m still working. Praise God and all that is holy!￼￼￼￼￼ None of my family has the blasted virus. At least that we know of.
We go out sometimes and stay in the car and I take pretty pictures like the one I’m sharing as my featured photo today.
I share all this with you today to let you know that YOU are not alone.￼
Please feel free to talk here if you’re afraid or wondering what’s going to happen in the world … or worried about whether or not you’re going back to work or anything else it’s going on during this very unprecedented time.
I am here to listen – we are here to listen.
Love to all ❤️