Bio Moment -I want to talk to you

I want to…

I really do…

But instead, I will say unimportant things because it takes less effort and I find I am so very tired these days.

Does it make things easier to know that we’re all going through this kind of stuff? Well, yes and no.

Yes, because I don’t feel so alone with the pain and the voices in my head, which aren’t really voices at all, just me worrying or trying not to worry and going numb. Emotionally, I mean.

No, because this is not new to me it’s just so much worse than usual.

I’m doing everything I can to feel better and it’s not nearly enough.

Looks like I decided to talk a little anyway. How very much like me. *sigh*

I should eat well and instead I stop eating completely or eat the wrong things.

I should drink more water and I either don’t drink any at all or buy a pricey water bottle with crystals in the bottom to make me feel better and remind me to drink. (And then I don’t.)

Beneath it all, I feel guilt and shame for believing that I’m important enough to discuss this… as if I’m the only one going through it.

Every night after dinner I’m supposed to take my pills which include my antidepressant… And I forget. Every night my husband says to me, “don’t forget to take your pills” and I say I won’t forget.

Then, I do.

Was it by accident or on purpose? Does it matter?

But in fact, I literally forget.

As I am a person who believes that everything happens for a reason I must confess I have a block about taking those pills. I don’t want to. I don’t want to be depressed or anxious or dependent on drugs.

Here I am again. Depressed. Just like a whole whack of people on earth right now.

On the plus side, my husband is still working. I’m still working. Praise God and all that is holy! None of my family has the blasted virus. At least that we know of.

We go out sometimes and stay in the car and I take pretty pictures like the one I’m sharing as my featured photo today.

I share all this with you today to let you know that YOU are not alone.

Please feel free to talk here if you’re afraid or wondering what’s going to happen in the world … or worried about whether or not you’re going back to work or anything else it’s going on during this very unprecedented time.

I am here to listen – we are here to listen.

Love to all ❤️



5 comments

  1. it is understandable to want to skip medication … to be assured that perception of the world is true…clear…genuine.. after all ; to feel sadness is normal..

    Liked by 1 person

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