I’ve been having the same discussions with people closest to me. They all begin and end with the same question:
When (if ever) is it appropriate to cut people out of my life?
It can be gut-wrenching, of course. Sometimes, it happens to you… and you’re left wondering what the heck you did to deserve it.
Other times, you know. Oh yes, you know. Maybe it’s fair, maybe not. But there’s no question about the “why” of it.
I should go back to the word, “people.” Who are they?
Friends, family, foe? <<< They all started with “F”… hee hee. Sometimes I get tickled for no reason, especially when I’m going into territory that makes me uncomfortable.
I’m headed there.
Let’s begin again.
There are some people – whether friends, family, or foe, mostly on Facebook (oh God, another F!) – who… are… simply… uh… not my tribe.
Do they *have* to be? No, of course not, we’ll all say. Of! Course! Not!
Any enlightened person knows… we are all… wonderfully different! Yay!
It’s certainly not that I want to surround myself with only those who agree with me. If I did, what would that make me?
A narcissist, right?
Surely, I am not one of those, right?
Cue all the F-words, including one I didn’t mention. You know the one I mean.
See, what happened is this…
In my quest to grow my audience, I “friended” some folks I might not otherwise have… uh… been friends with. Certainly, I’m no different than most of you, right? We all have some clunkers…
Jan, who plays “Vaguebook”… “OMG! It’s been THAT kind of a day!” or “If one more thing like THAT happens, I give up!” It could be anything from losing a job to a bad dye job to the death of a beloved pet. The point is – you have to ask to get more info. If you care. And you might! But not if we have to play guessing games about it. At least, not me!
Jill, who “pretends” not to hear you when you BEG everyone to quit sending those spammy messages in FB Messenger. And when that doesn’t work, you say, In fact, quit sending ANYthing. And they still don’t stop. Ugh.
Jane, who constantly shares those, “If you really care, you’ll…” and “I know who will share this and who won’t”… and if you don’t, everyone will know you approve of cancer in children, abused animals and the tragedy du jour. Because clearly, you didn’t share a post, so…
June, who believes in conspiracy-theories and starts every post off with, “I don’t know if this is true but if it is, wow!” Just try to share Snopes or a fact-checking site with them. They’ll poo-poo it faster than a double dose of Imodium.
Jana, who doesn’t actually vote and is proud of it but spews her latest views on all-things political.
Julia, who politicizes everything from face masks, school shootings and 911… and everything – as in literally everything – is Obama’s or Trump’s or Hilary’s fault. Because reasons.
I get it! People are scared, angry, frustrated, worried, and disgusted.
Add to that how much this freaking virus has pushed us…
And we’ve got a mess, don’t we?
I have long been a proponent of “Rising Above” any and all bullshit. Don’t get me wrong. I’m human and I do have thoughts in this head o’ mine… many of them left-leaning as most of you well-know.
But dammit, there comes a point where you sit back and look at the matter at hand. Decisions have to be made.
Do I allow this BS to go on around me or do I remove myself?
I remember one of the last times I had to use a sharp knife to cut someone off. She said, “Your boundaries are not fair to me.”
I wanted to say, “Really, and this is funny, but they aren’t about you. They’re about me.”
But I didn’t.
This is something I am much better about than I used to be… but dammit, I’m struggling with it *right now*.
I’ve written about it more than one time around here. This link is just the most obvious, since you know, it’s about boundaries.
I keep thinking I should just keep my little blog here and get off all other social media. But that’s the coward’s way out. I need to step out of my comfort zone, once again, and find a way to gracefully disconnect with some folks. Wish me luck!
PS: My dear friend Eileen made the quilt in my featured photo. I love the colours! And cats! I mean, c’mon. Isn’t it perfect? My tribe will like it, I think. 🙂