Back about fifteen years ago, my mom told me that her housekeeper had called me, “Earthy” because I said someone was – and I quote – “an ass”. She considered that kind of language “Earthy” and from then on, I was dubbed as such. I am giving you fair warning that today is “Earthy Language Day” because I have some things to say. Slight TRIGGER WARNING that our old friend’s Depression and Anxiety were invited to the party without my knowledge or approval. Second TRIGGER WARNING for very dirty language.
Fuck depression and anxiety! <<< see, earthy.
So, yeah, it’s been a while. You haven’t heard me mention these demons for more than a month… possibly two. Maybe even three. Who the hell knows?
Let me tell you how I know they’re back… even though I didn’t realize it until this morning.
- I spent this entire week working from bed. Not just in my jammies but literally… in. our. bed.
- I didn’t shower for two of those days.
- Almost every day, I brushed my teeth at 5:35 pm when I had to go downstairs to talk to my husband. By this I mean – NOT BEFORE.
- I bought a brand new fiction book to read, read 1/3 of it and have no idea what I read. No, seriously. There was an explosion. That’s all I remember. It’s one I was really, really looking forward to reading. A Pulitzer Prize winner, too.
- Over the last three weeks, I’ve bought about $200 worth of books (including the one I mentioned above). I can afford them, you know, if I don’t want to put more than $50 per paycheck into our savings or we didn’t want to find a new place to live or I didn’t need a hair appointment among a dozen or so other things.
- After not drinking soda for a month, I drank one full 8 oz can of Coke Zero (one each) for the last three days. Today, my stomach is humming like a cranky old lawnmower. I’m burping uncontrollably. And farting. But I digress.
- I nearly cut my only sister out of my life over something that wasn’t her fault. As in: AT ALL. 100%. What you need to know about us is that we haven’t had an argument since we were teenagers. We aren’t super, duper close (we don’t talk on the phone every day or even every week) ￼but we are certainly not strangers and definitely not enemies. ￼We love each other dearly. Thank God she is a forgiving soul and understands me.￼￼ 💞
- I’ve been cursing A LOT. Profanity. Bad words. Fuck.
And really, the list could go on and on. And on.
I’ve talked so much about depression and anxiety lo, these many years <<< not earthy? Elizabethan? Well, shit.
It’s just another reminder that this fucking-evil never actually goes away entirely. It ducks down, hides, cowers and then…
Surprise! Here I am, again! (I pictured Mrs. Doubtfire here – which makes me happy and sad since our dear Robin Williams portrayed him/her and lived a life filled with depression. <<< Like so many other comedians. <<< this link is to an excellent BBC article about Williams and others.)
Folks, I’m continuing to work through it.
In fact, I have one of my most-anticipated interviews coming up with a real-live Emmy Award-winning producer! His teaser will be out tomorrow!
My job is hanging tight – going on week 19 from home – and life, aside from the fact that I can’t see any of my West-coast family, is going pretty freaking good.
How are you doing?￼