How’m I doing with 2020: Year of Clarity?

Every year I pick a word to focus on and this year the word is Clarity.

When I first talked about the word, I was thinking of…

Uh…

Myself.

Yeah, kind of embarrassing, that.

I should have used a wider lens.

Just this morning, I was thinking about how effed-up 2020 has been and how difficult it’s been to see things clearly, what with all-things Covid and such.

And then, it hit me like a ton of bricks…

It’s the opposite!

People’s motivations, the state of the world, and pretty-much everything else has become CLEAR!

How did that happen?

And… and… and…

Because of that…

I have found out things about myself, too.

Principally, I deserve better than I’ve been giving myself. And by that I mean in every way.

As you know, this is not news. I’m a self-abuser and sabatuer from way back.

*sigh*

Just trying to do my best. Isn’t it what we ALL are doing here on this crazy spinning orb? <<< I was trying to sound cool and breezy. I think I was moderately successful. Thoughts?

Anywho…

I have gained a LOT of clarity about my fellow humans over the last eight months. Some of what I’ve learned has been positive and some negative.

Some, very negative.

Like, I’m shocked at how many people think Covid-19, which is called a pandemic because it’s hitting EVERY nation around the world, is somehow a hoax perpetrated to bring down a certain faction of Americans. I will NOT get into a political discussion here… only a *health* one.

I might seem like the kind of person who would jump right into conspiracy theories. After all, being afraid is my go-to emotion. But… there’s no way millions of people across the globe have died to prove some point or send a message.

See? Clarity.

Another thing I’ve gained clarity about is … integrity.

I am in a unique employment situation that I can’t fully discuss for confidentiality reasons. What I will say is that I could have taken advantage of my employer’s kindness and frankly, it would have been simple because they trust me to do what I say I’m doing. I – of course – have given them no reason to doubt me.

What you need to know is that I’m an annoying rule-follower who had been treating my days “as if” I was in the office – for the first 18 weeks straight.

For 8 hours a day, I sat in my chair in front of the computer. 9am to 5:30pm. Breaks at 11:15 and 3:30 and lunch at 1:30 for a half-hour.

Then I talked to some others in my situation who told me they sat in their easy chair during work hours with their laptop on their… you know… lap.

WTH? We’re allowed to do that? <<< Yeah, I actually said that out loud.

Hahahahahahahaha! <<< Yeah, that’s how they actually responded.

And the conversation continued—

Me: Oh, you mean… I can decide where I want to sit?

Them: Sometimes I go sit outside.

To work?

Yeah.

We can do that?

Are you serious?

Yeah.

And onward it went.

I learned that I am *still* a black-and-white thinker, especially when it concerns work. Rules are rules. *Pounding fist*

Pssstt: Who am I trying to impress?

I didn’t say anything to my manager about anyone else but did ask if it was okay that I did my work from a more comfortable chair? She said – and I quote – “Of course! As long as you get the work done!”

My husband told me to continue doing (what I consider to be) the right thing.

Yeah, I know. He’s smart. And right.

I’ve learned that “the right thing” might be an easy chair. So, for the last two weeks I have been… uh… mostly sitting away from my desk. Getting comfy. Doing my work.

So, see? Those are the kinds of things I’m getting clarity on – and we’re not done with the year yet!

One comment

  1. 2020 will forever be known as the year of the Covid. No thought. No human progress. Just a bunch of people walking around with masks. Jesse James. You left us too soon!

    Liked by 1 person

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