Remember this one?* – This is Me

“Honeybees are meaningful to me because technically they’re not supposed to be able to fly. We know they do, but in the 1930s, French scientists ‘proved’ they couldn’t. Their reasoning was that it was aerodynamically impossible because honeybees’ wings are too small to support the weight of their bodies. And yet, through some miracle, there they go, zipping through the air and soaring their little honeybee hearts out.” Chrissy Metz

I’m having a rough day.

I came home from work and within ten minutes the lights started flickering. Trouble was, there were no lights on. It was all happening in my head. Hello, visual migraine. NOT nice to see you!

Thank goodness it normally only happens once or twice a year. The last one was last November… so, not bad, I guess. You know, in the realm of things.

What’s it like? A stroke. In fact, it’s what I thought the first time I had it. Well, it wasn’t the first time, exactly, but the first time I realized something serious was going on. I was at work, face in a computer, as it so often is, when the words got blurry and no amount of squinting  – or trying to focus – helped. I wrote an email to my boss (thank you Jesus I learned touch-typing in the good ol’ days) and then called my husband to come get me and take me to the ER.

Oddly, something told me to take my “big-guns” migraine med … now see, I knew somewhere inside, right? By the time we got to the ER, the wavy lines, flashing lights and electric blue that had been travelling across my vision had gone. But my blood pressure was through the roof and I was a sniveling mess. That’s the day I learned about visual migraines and panic attacks.


What’s it have to do with today’s book? Not much. Maybe. We’ll see.

This is Me is by Chrissy Metz. If you don’t know who she is, you are not alone, as I didn’t either. I mean, of course I’ve heard of This is Us, a wildly popular show on network TV. And, I knew there was a beautiful larger woman… but I didn’t know who she was. It kinda irks me that I knew of her because of her size. I could go off on a whole thing here… but I won’t. What I will say is that I am always “aware” of large women… either because I gravitate towards them or they, towards me. I don’t know why. We chubbies need to stick together. Rah, rah. Lord God Almighty!

Of course, her book appealed to me. The inside book jacket talks about humiliation over weight, keeping secrets, and using food to numb the pain… as well as life in Los Angeles, California as a fat woman. Having BTDT, I could relate.

Now, I’m going to stop right here and say that Metz’ book reminds me of another one or two I’ve read. I talk about them, here: “Lose Some Weight” post from October 27, 2017. I don’t say that to take anything away from this book… only to say, this kind of book has been written before… in different voices … with different circumstances… but familiar. Know what I mean?

However, Metz has some things she wants to say and uses her own unique voice to say them. You’ll want to listen. Because, of course, all of our stories are different in big and little ways. And her writing is very inviting… welcoming… like a conversation. You can almost hear her talking through the pages.

She touches on many things… like…

“Anxiety is one of the worst things you can experience in your whole life. The more you resist, the more it persists. I learned pretty quickly that I had to lean in to my anxiety. And accept it. Or try to. I had a much-needed conversation with myself.” ― Chrissy Metz, This Is Me

I love that! Lean in… maybe the lesson today is to lean in to my migraine. It came, it’s over. It does that. It’s normal for me.

Crap. Just thinking about it gets me all nervous. But I had a brain scan. My eyes have been checked. See, this is how the health anxiety plays out. Sometimes, like today, I just like to let you in on how a mind like mine works. Scared yet? It’s exhausting!

This is a really great little book! Almost breezy… nicely written, a few famous names dropped (can we say Oprah?!) and some helpful stuff, too. I recommend it. 

* originally written for this blog by me on August 15, 2018


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