Bio Moment – Not a barn burner

I woke up in the middle of the night. Again!! Why? Well… I have a reason! Listen to this!

Forgive the blur but it was 1:26 am. Half-asleep, I felt around for my phone and somehow without my glasses, set the camera to use the flash, held the phone out to encompass the culprit and my head and snapped. This is the result. Meet Hannah, the newest trend in sleepytime feline millinery!

Notice the contentment, the comfort, the peaceful countenance… of Hannah, not cat-Mom, to be clear.

Her fixation with my head began a few weeks ago and at that time, she was still figuring stuff out so that meant she was “making biscuits” (kneading) on my cranium, then getting up and down over and over trying to find the perfect spot. Next, she started wrapping herself around my neck like a scarf, purring into my ear with her cat-version of a Wet (nose) Willie. Licking and preening came later because clearly, I needed it. Then there were my hairstyles in the morning, which ranged from “finger in light socket” to “Just out of the towel” tangled mess. And BOY, were they a tangled mess to … uh … untangle.

I know, adorable, right. Oh, Hannah!

So, I was awake and once awake, it’s tough to go back to sleep. This is prime thinkin’ time! Not the *best* time to be thinking, though.

I almost got up to write here or in my journal – you know, after the photo – and then decided I would embarrass myself. I *used* to do that kind of thing when I was going through my divorce. I’d just joined a new-fangled internet site designed to help heal marriages and boy, I needed it. Looking back, I spent more time on the site than I did working on my marriage, which may have contributed to the end of it. That’s because the internet was made for someone like me – an addictive soul who loves writing, prefers solitude but wants to have friends… and hates the phone. Don’t even get me started on Zoom. Ugh!

So, I was thinking about how pathetic I (and everything) was back then. I was often up typing middle-of-the-night-missives. I was feeling utterly alone then, as we all are now.

I thought of my drive yesterday.

I was out-and-about and it felt good to get outside. I picked up a small French Vanilla coffee and just drove around, looking for photos to take.

But, I was having trouble.

Finally, I ended up in a small parking lot next to a park and on the other side of me was a barn. It looked old, uncared-for, decrepit. I wondered if it was the grey day that made it look so sad or was it forgotten? Ignored? Lonely?

That barn and me… we have something in common. So, I snapped a picture.

Who knows what the poor ol’ barn’s story is… but I know mine.

I thought of how the prospect of finding work at my age, at this time in history, is so daunting.

I thought of how much I want a menagerie of animals and a forest to explore and a pool to swim in… a home to call my own… where I can plant flowers or a garden.

I thought of how much I miss California friends and family. The truth is that much of the missing began before the pandemic even started. Turns out that moving away from everyone and everything I knew had consequences. <<< It was at this point that I was falling into a pit of emotional-self-flagellation and pity as I lay there in the dark. And this is what I wanted to get up and write about. Wouldn’t that have been fun? Allow me to offer a pre-emptive, “You’re Welcome”.

But then, a phrase pierced through the darkness:

YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM.

It was so loud that I nearly sit up in bed, which would have disturbed Hannah, so I didn’t.

But it was a clarion call…

None of us can visit anyone. Finding a new job in a pandemic is daunting for EVERYone.

We have a roof over our head, two perfect cats, a loving family and friends all over the world. Life is actually – in spite of this time in history – good! Yeah, I’m lonely but so is everyone else.

And you know, I felt better after that.

Today, we woke up to snow, which has been scarce this year (the year we bought snow tires – LOL) so… bring it on!! We’re not having to go much of anywhere, but if we do, we’re prepared. So it’s perfect.

Right now, big fat snowflakes are falling and making the world look pristine and white. It’s the perfect day for a good book. I happen to have a few piled up here and there. (As if you didn’t know!) Time to choose one and snuggle up for a good read. Or maybe take a nap, you know, without a cat on my head.

5 Comments

  1. Your skill of putting us right beside you is remarkable. But happy to read you know and recognize your place in this world is not of a casualty place but of good fortune (hubby, cats, roof, food), who knows tomorrow is another opportunity for victory over the dark thoughts and memories.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.