I know you’ll forgive me for not reading and writing about books right now. It’s been a week and two days since Dad died… and… well, I don’t feel like reading anything. So far, I spend my days in kind of a numb recognition that something profound has changed. I do what must be done but not much more. Except think… and think.
I left nothing unsaid. I told Dad I loved him, often twice, every Sunday morning when we talked on the phone. The first Sunday after he passed was a fog. My sister was with my mom and I knew my usual phone call would be postponed. It felt like a canon ball was shot into my day… and it left a gaping hole. I missed talking to them both… having things be… normal.
“I love you soooooo much!” I’d say… sounding like a child, I know… realizing now (with the benefit of hindsight) that I’d been keeping things simple for his benefit… but also for mine. He started showing signs of dementia after his recent surgeries. He remembered the important things, like people he knew and loved. He was mostly himself… except… he forgot things a lot. Repeated questions as if I hadn’t just answered… and that was okay with me. I had the luxury of distance. This wasn’t an everyday or every hour occurrence. I would have allowed him to say the same thing a hundred times just to hear his voice. I looked forward to those Sunday calls.
Dad always asked two questions: What’s the weather like there? What are you doing today?
So, I’d like to answer those questions… for Dad… and for you, my readers…
The weather is so interesting at this time of year. There’s leftover snow… but not a lot. The sun is shining and it looks like spring is on the way. Birds are chirping! But it’s freezing-azz cold! You still need a winter coat. Well, I do, being I’m originally from California and I’ve never fully gotten used to minus-anything weather.
Lake Ontario is incredibly gorgeous, I’d say…
Just look at the difference in color from the shoreline to the depths.
The skies are filled with clouds hitching-a-ride on the breezes.
What’s it like where you are, I’d ask Dad… but instead, I will ask you! What’s it like where you are?
As far as what I’m doing… well…
I’m allowing myself the room to simply do whatever I want to grieve and move forward.
Reading, for some reason, feels too heavy right now. I have a half-finished – quite wonderful book! – sitting on my night table, beckoning.
I will be sharing more about it when I’m done. It’s very engaging so far!
I bought a new coffee mug that makes me smile!
And then, I’ve been making my own little meme-things to post on Instagram.
I’m creating little spaces with beautiful things, like this tree above my accessories. Her name is Ruby, like my car. I’ve told you about this awesome website before: Here’s my post about the author and her creations.
And the coolest thing happened!!! The authors of a book I reviewed HERE (A Walk in the Wood) contacted me and shared my review – actually QUOTING it – on ALL their social media. Wild, eh?
So, yeah, I’ve been doing some things and stuff, as Tess used to say. Tess is our beloved first cat who crossed the Rainbow Bridge 5 1/2 years ago. She taught us her language. Just for fun-sies, here she is during one of her morning yoga routines. Look at that face!
At the end of our Sunday talks, I would say, “I love you!” Dad would say, “I love you too. Be sure to tell Richard I say hello.”
I would say, “He always says to say hello back! We love you, Dad.” <<< I did a little repeating of my own, you see.