April 14, 2021
Today’s reblog is a post about my perfectionism and myriad meds. Fitting.
See, yesterday, after six months of being off, I decided to go back on my Cipralex, which is for depression, mostly, and anxiety, too. It’s a super-low dosage but somehow takes the edge off for me.
“Takes the edge off” what? Dizziness, mostly, which I’m told is vertigo and anxiety. Do I believe the doctors? No. I’m sure I have MS. I don’t say this jokingly or with even a hint of humor. Is it my health anxiety? Hypochondria? Some (including my doctor) would say yes.
So, there you go.
Anyway, the last time I was consistently dizzy, I had (once again) taken a sabbatical from this, my most important mental health med. It took approximately one week (of taking the medication again) for the dizziness to go away, which of course leads the doctor to believe she’s right and I’m wrong.
Instead of going into a diatribe of all my symptomatology and the tests run to rule out MS or any other brain disorder (you’re welcome!) I’ll just say that many factors – not the least of which is my Dad’s death – have collided into an emotional stew.
Grief sucks. Depression sucks. Anxiety sucks. And we haven’t even gotten into the post I wrote… oh… back in December 2017.
But yeah, perfectionism. Mentioned it yesterday, as a matter of fact.
Just when I think I’ve figured stuff out… I realize that in the last four years… yeah, not so much. Ugh.
I am taking so many meds these days. Such a bummer. Hopefully, I can cut back on some of them as my health improves. In the meantime, I can’t keep track of what I’ve taken and what I still need to take on any given day… so, I decided to make a chart.
I was going to make it on my computer because Excel is one heck of a nice program but… I wanted to draw out what I needed first. So, I found a piece of blank paper (pink, isn’t it lovely?), a pen and ruler. Then I started mapping it out. If I made a mistake, I went over it with white-out and corrected. I didn’t need to worry because the shiny, new, perfect copy would be done later. It would then be printed out and placed on our fridge, where I would fill in the daily check…
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