To Self-Help or Not To Self-Help?

This is, after all, a website about self-help.

I hope you will allow me a bit of arrogant bluster and fluffery to elaborate on my ideas about what I think self-help is – and isn’t.

I present it to you in no particular order, cuz that’s how I roll:

Self-Help Is…

• Reading
• Laughing
• Sleeping
• Eating
• Enjoying an adult beverage
• Setting boundaries
• Making love
• Exercising
• Praying
• Spending time alone
• Pulling away from people who do not encourage or support you
• Binge-watching something you love
• Having pets
• Surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy

Self-Help Isn’t…

• Mindlessly scrolling for hours online
• Laughing at the misfortune of others
• Sleeping all day and night
• Eating high-fat and/or sugar foods until you feel bloated, sick and full
• Drinking until you’re drunk, especially with children around
• Setting boundaries that are not clear, move and change
• Forcing sex on ANYone to make yourself feel better
• Spending exorbitant amounts of money joining the swankiest gym or buying expensive equipment that you will use once or twice
• Shoving your belief system down someone’s throat and suggesting (or worse yet, insisting) that they will go to hell if they don’t follow your way
• Turning down invitations because of fear or anxiety – a caveat: Occasionally, this will happen and it’s perfectly alright. But when it becomes habit, pay attention!
• Staying in a relationship of any kind where you are not be edified and encouraged. I would add “love” here but we all know that people’s ideas of love vary. Someone can “love” you and abuse you at the same time. This is why I did not add “love” here.
• Sitting in front of the TV, tablet, phone or computer for hours into days
• Not taking care of your pets when they become inconvenient
• Buying things for temporary pleasure and leave you with junk and bills to pay

Of course, my lists could include so much more.

As I typed, I thought of things like listening to music and meditation. I added them to the top list and then realized I couldn’t find things about them that are not self-help-y for the other.

Okay yes, an argument could be made for the violent, misogynistic messages in some music…

… and perhaps the way some folks listen to it (I’m looking at those of you who blare your music into the spaces of anyone within a mile of you…)

And yet – it’s your business how you choose to listen! However, when it encroaches into my world, I do take issue with it. Would you want my Barry Manilow at 90 Db in your neighborhood? Didn’t think so! LOL

Point is, I removed those two things from the list.

I also touched on – and then moved away from – love, didn’t I? *sigh*

Love is so very important.

It is!

But.

Until we get on the same page about what love actually IS, I’m not sure it *can* be put on a list like this.

Am I wrong? You’ll tell me in the comments, I’m sure.

I know there are a million-billion-and-one more things I could add to these lists. Maybe you’d like to add some of your own in the comments? That would be grand!

In the meantime, I think this is a good jumping off point. Don’t you?