To Self-Help or Not To Self-Help?

This is, after all, a website about self-help.

I hope you will allow me a bit of arrogant bluster and fluffery to elaborate on my ideas about what I think self-help is – and isn’t.

I present it to you in no particular order, cuz that’s how I roll:

Self-Help Is…

  • Reading
  • Laughing
  • Sleeping
  • Eating
  • Enjoying an adult beverage
  • Setting boundaries
  • Making love
  • Exercising
  • Praying
  • Spending time alone
  • Pulling away from people who do not encourage or support you
  • Binge-watching something you love
  • Having pets
  • Surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy

Self-Help Isn’t…

  • Mindlessly scrolling for hours online
  • Laughing at the misfortune of others
  • Sleeping all day and night
  • Eating high-fat and/or sugar foods until you feel bloated, sick and full
  • Drinking until you’re drunk, especially with children around
  • Setting boundaries that are not clear, move and change
  • Forcing sex on ANYone to make yourself feel better
  • Spending exorbitant amounts of money joining the swankiest gym or buying expensive equipment that you will use once or twice
  • Shoving your belief system down someone’s throat and suggesting (or worse yet, insisting) that they will go to hell if they don’t follow your way
  • Turning down invitations because of fear or anxiety – a caveat: Occasionally, this will happen and it’s perfectly alright. But when it becomes habit, pay attention!
  • Staying in a relationship of any kind where you are not be edified and encouraged. I would add “love” here but we all know that people’s ideas of love vary. Someone can “love” you and abuse you at the same time. This is why I did not add “love” here.
  • Sitting in front of the TV, tablet, phone or computer for hours into days
  • Not taking care of your pets when they become inconvenient
  • Buying things for temporary pleasure and leave you with junk and bills to pay

Of course, my lists could include so much more.

As I typed, I thought of things like listening to music and meditation. I added them to the top list and then realized I couldn’t find things about them that are not self-help-y for the other.

Okay yes, an argument could be made for the violent, misogynistic messages in some music…

… and perhaps the way some folks listen to it (I’m looking at those of you who blare your music into the spaces of anyone within a mile of you…)

And yet – it’s your business how you choose to listen! However, when it encroaches into my world, I do take issue with it. Would you want my Barry Manilow at 90 Db in your neighborhood? Didn’t think so! LOL

Point is, I removed those two things from the list.

I also touched on – and then moved away from – love, didn’t I? *sigh*

Love is so very important.

It is!


Until we get on the same page about what love actually IS, I’m not sure it *can* be put on a list like this.

Am I wrong? You’ll tell me in the comments, I’m sure.

I know there are a million-billion-and-one more things I could add to these lists. Maybe you’d like to add some of your own in the comments? That would be grand!

In the meantime, I think this is a good jumping off point. Don’t you?


  1. Self help is always best for your own psyche. But, part of your self help regimen should be to know when to seek professional help. Not to admit failure. Rather to admit that you need help.

    Liked by 1 person

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