This week has been nothing short of a whirlwind of blessings!
I almost hesitate to write about it all because… because… well, let me explain.
Anyone who writes as personally – as intimately – as I do (especially about self) will understand that good news doesn’t sell. In fact, it’s not just about writing, is it? I am learning that (in spades) as I pour through yet another book from the past, Toxic Friends.
As I mentioned in THIS POST, I am feeling a little like I’ve taken the easy way out of some profoundly important lessons I woulda/ coulda/ shoulda found (and used) in the first (or second, or beyond) reading(s) of some VERY GOOD books.
People like me THRIVE in drama. Especially negative drama. We become vocal harbingers of darkness when things are falling apart. Yeah, we may end up in bed, depressed and frozen… but … speaking of frozen… it’s like an iceberg of depression, solid and HUGE, floating aimlessly… or perhaps just flowing with the current.
This is not a realization I am proud of…
The last ten years or so have been… dark. Yes, there were moments of light… doesn’t it always find a way in?
But my world had become very dark, indeed. I had reverted to the days of believing I was not … worth it. Whatever “it” was.
My house was a mess, as was my body. There were moments when I rose above… created beauty in the midst of chaos… found blessings… and, as I said, light.
This blog was one of those lights… even when I was writing about sadness, grief, and hopelessness.
After all, this is our home – mine AND yours, precious readers.
While I’ve written about 500+ books since I began this shebang, I was lucky to hang onto 10 solid lessons to hold in my heart (or brain).
And so, I’ve begun again, with some of the books that I suspect have more lessons for me to learn.
It may seem I’ve burnt out on self-help… and I too wondered if I was, being honest.
In reality, I am digging deeper, not stepping away.
Second, about the drama I mentioned above…
When I have written about my pains and sorrows, they have been … if you’ll pardon the word … ‘positively’ received. Misery loves company or something like that?
We ALL suffered and struggled through the blasted pandemic and all that those two hideous years dished out, didn’t we? That my dad died in the middle of it and left the earth without me so much as holding his hand will be something I will NEVER, EVER forget. Of course, I know I am not alone in this.
And then there were (and still are) the wars… both literal and in our hearts. Divisions. Trials. Hatred. Ugliness.
It stands to reason then, that when something GOOD happens… it almost feels like sacrilege to share it.
This is where I find myself today.
One day – and this was only weeks ago – something clicked inside me.
I no longer wanted to suffer.
I considered what it would take to pull my life back into my hands, as much as possible, and yanked at it.
Was it a coincidence that some things that had been in flux for years started falling into place? Or was it synchronicity?
- The first thing that happened was a letter in the mail from Social Security. I wrote them two years ago and had all but decided they’d never received my letter. But — they had! They set up an appointment for me over the phone. It was last week. What I was asking about was very complicated (to do with my immigration and US vs. Canada retirement programs) but the main thing I wanted – above all else – was to make sure my disabled son got my Social Security no matter WHAT happens to me – and he WILL. I literally wept in gratitude!
- Several weeks ago, I saw an opportunity to get promoted in my company… and even though I haven’t been there as long as required to apply, I reached out to my supervisor, who then reached out to our manager, and I was given permission to apply – because I’ve been doing so well! Last week, I was notified that I have been chosen to train for this new position – and on the first day of training, a raise comes with it! I’ve already made plans to set aside a part of it for my tax-free savings account, which is something else I did for MYSELF and my loved ones – if I don’t live long enough to use it myself.
- My husband and I had been delaying getting another car. We decided that it was past time to ACT. You have probably read Ruby’s goodbye post HERE. Perhaps you’ve also met Selene? That all happened within the last two weeks.
- We’d let the house go. It was, quite frankly, disgusting. We have been cleaning cupboards, changing out window treatments. and scouring dark corners. Much of our furniture was held together with duct tape and prayers. Thanks to all the cats we’ve ever had! LOL Two weeks ago, we went out and bought a few pieces that will keep us comfortable – asleep and awake – and look nice, too!
- Our bodies were halfway to where we wanted them to be. Last summer, while I was walking, my husband was counting calories. We both lost weight and both DIDN’T gain it back over winter (thank goodness!) but realized we both had choices to make this year. Both of us still have some weight to lose – he, only about 15 more pounds or so, and me, at least 50 – 60. So, he’s calorie counting and I’m walking again!
I credit my deepening knowledge about myself and others – specifically my family and friends, since the two books I’ve been studying are about those types of relationships – with decisions I’ve recently made… which in turn have led to some ACTUAL changes in my life, as shown above.
What does this mean for my little corner of the internet here?
Depends on how you look at it.
For the next week – and possibly several weeks, I will be on a day shift. This means that I will have to adapt my walking schedule – significantly, at least during that time. Because of that, I have decided that trying to keep myself accountable in such a public way will only make me feel worse about what I cannot achieve. I am a mid-day walker who prefers to be alone — it’s a sacred time for me. I feel safe and free to sweat the pounds away. To be out in the evening by myself in the middle of a forest or alone on a trail is not something I wish to do for my safety – and won’t. Therefore, I have taken down my walking accountability post and won’t apologize for it. I will continue to share my triumphs, of course!
I will have only limited time to write new posts, as I usually write them during the day, after my walks, and before my (normal) afternoon shift. It often takes hours for me to research and write. So, you may see more than the usual amount of reblogs for a while.
Yes, the times are a-changin’ — for the better. At least, I think so!
I promise that I will continue to do my very best to bring you as much fresh, uplifting, helpful content as I can over the summer.
I hope you understand.
Just know that I want EVERYONE to succeed and thrive…
THAT MEANS YOU!!
Until next time…