I Give Up!

I have a Word for 2023.

Do you know what it is?

Here it is almost the end of February and I haven’t made an art project about it or put the word in front of my face (as I usually do).

Sheesh, I created a whole Vision Board and never even whispered the word in a corner.

I’d… FORGOTTEN… about it.

Until today.

And here’s the thing! I NEED IT right now!! Let me explain…

I am sick. It’s not Covid (tested yesterday, after four days being home – two of those days were my “weekend” which I spent in bed. Don’t you hate when that happens?).

My husband is recovering from pneumonia and bronchitis and I tried to stay away. We slept in different rooms. Dishes are now washed and sanitized in a dishwasher. Kissed each other on the head goodnight. I mean, c’mon… we were so careful.

But here they came… the tell-tale symptoms I (as an asthmatic and lifelong chronic bronchitis sufferer) know so well.

I tried to medicate myself best I could because I did NOT want to go out. It’s been freezing-ass cold, icy, snowy, and not conducive to healing. Two, three, four days.

On Sunday (yesterday), my husband said to get my hiney to the walk-in clinic, as I had said to him pretty much verbatim last Sunday.

So, unshowered, snot-nosed under a mask, and coughing like a Canada Goose, I drove over.

That’s where the problems began.

You only take appointments? Since when?

Months? No… NO… my husband walked in last Sunday at about this time!

And so we went back and forth, me growing ever the more indignant.

I left with steam coming out of my ears (which also hurt) and an appointment for an hour and a half later.

Did I mention the ice and snow and stuff? I thought so.

I go back at my appointed time.

Quick digression: My husband said he absolutely, positively did NOT have an appointment the prior weekend. He just walked in. Ugh.

Fast forward to the examination room.

Your lungs are clear. Everything is stuffed up but you just need to drink lots of liquids, use your inhalers (nasal and asthma), and rest in bed.

But the cough, I said! It sounds like I have whooping cough!

If anything changes in the next few days let us know. But right now, we have no magic bullet for you.

That’s it?

That’s it. And she left the room.

All night long I dreamed of the call to my primary care physician today…

She wouldn’t even test anything! She dismissed me. I’m in my sixties, for crying out loud. I know my body! I NEED antibiotics!

I thought of writing a strongly worded letter, too! I had every right!

Ahem. Anyway.

I was up at 9am this morning after a terrible night spent honking and blowing my nose… and … truth be told … fretting.

HOW DARE SHE! What the HELL?

I called my primary care physician’s office and if I wasn’t the first one to call, I was the second. 9am on the dot.

Oh, she’s not in today? What am I supposed to DO?

I explain what happened yesterday.

By now, I’m flamin’ hot under the collar and everywhere else, especially my nose and face.

The receptionist says… and this is also a direct quote: I can’t advise you because I didn’t go to school to be a doctor. The person you saw yesterday did and she told you what you should do. I can give you another doctor to see today or a number to call for a video appointment but…

But Dr. My Gal has been my primary care physician for 15 years and knows me, I said. Nobody else would!

I felt so defeated.

She and I spoke a bit longer and when it was clear I was getting nowhere, we hung up (amicably, to both of our credits).

I’ve been ruminating on this all day between naps and inhalers and such.

Around 2:30pm I was making a cup of decaf when it hit me.

OMG!

The person I saw yesterday was a doctor, for crying out loud.

She told me what to do.

My doctor isn’t in.

God or The Universe or Whomever is in charge has made it clear…

I need to…

Uh…

SURRENDER.

Oh yeah, I laughed to myself… that’s my word of the year.

How had I forgotten?

So, I’ve surrendered.

If something changes, I’ll let my doctor know. Otherwise, I’m just gonna follow the doctor’s orders and take care of myself.

So simple.

Yet…

SO FREAKING DIFFICULT.

*I normally provide my own Featured Photos but this time, since I haven’t yet created a sign for my Word of 2023, I have chosen one from Free Pexels provided by WordPress. Honestly, it’s how I felt when I realized I could surrender and actually let go. It feels freaking awesome, by the way!