Checking In – Checking Out

Friends and readers, it has been an amazing journey so far! The person who checked into the hospital is not the one who checked out. That’s for darned sure!

I will not be writing multiple posts about this, nor will I be gushing on. But I do want this here – at least for the moment – as a touchpoint.

I feel 1000x better than I did on Saturday. Or Friday. Or many days (weeks, months) before it.

You know, I missed two days of work due to “my stomach” within weeks of the surgeries and one dental appointment (not that I relish going to the dentist! LOL). I nearly canceled two dates to catch up with friends, one on video, because I felt so awful.

Today, yeah, I hurt (especially when I move, cough or laugh) but I know exactly why. It makes sense. It is part of healing.

My diet will change drastically, which I was on the way to doing anyway. I’ve spent my whole life eating whatever I wanted – much to my detriment (and also, being truthful, to my pleasure!). Yes, I will go back to “normal” but it will never be like it was before. It simply cannot be!

I will – God willing – lose the rest of the weight I need to lose. As mentioned before, I’d lost 40 pounds over the last year. I need to lose at least 40 more, if not 60. Okay, 70, for sure. But my doctor says to aim for the 40 and see how I feel. That’s my plan.

I have learned – really, really quickly and in dramatic fashion – the difference between health anxiety and health neglect.

I was playing at taking care of myself because the fear was unmanageable. It was unmanageable because I have health anxiety, sure, but also because (as I’ve said before) I don’t know what normal looks or feels like.

Now, I do.

I learned I don’t have some health problems I thought I had and do have some others that I didn’t (again, in hindsight I knew something was up!).

I learned that most health tests are done to make sure you’re healthy – not to hunt for disease. This is a vitally important distinction! Especially to someone with health anxiety!

I learned that my pain threshold is kinda epic. Not that I’d want to test that theory further. A bit of it may be that I have learned to power through the pain because it wasn’t safe to have it – thanks to an earlier marriage that taught me to shut up and put up.

I have learned that I came close to losing my life. And, as it turns out, I LOVE MY LIFE. Even though I’m far from most of my family and friends… I have and will continue to make it work best we can! I will continue doing THAT.

And my life here? The one with my precious husband and cats and friends? It’s pretty awesome!

My featured photo is something my husband picked up for me at a craft table in the hospital. He was going to give it to me for my birthday — that guy! He already gave me an early birthday present! This one is a little symbol of our love that I’m wearing with my pajamas. 🙂 **bliss**

Yep, I got very lucky. And, I’m super-duper blessed. In every sense of the word!

Back to books next post, folks! I plan on reading a few good ones in the next week or so.

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